Men’s Secret Fear

Eph. 5:33 says, Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Why would God tell wives to reverence (be in awe of) of their husbands?  He does not tell us to do things that do not have a definite purpose.  So what is God’s purpose in this command to wives?

From various psychological studies and surveys of men we learn that men have a very basic fear.  This fear has to do with feeling incompetent on the job and in being a “real man.”  You can see evidence of this fear even in childhood by the way boys tease other boys and the names they call each other.  So many of these names attack their masculinity, like sissy, panty waist, etc.  Most men try to hide that fear by appearing to be very self-confident, some even develop a “macho” image to cover up that fear.  Competition (“oneupsmanship”) is another way men try to “prove” that they are real men and are adequate or even superior.  Some even work extra hours just to insure that they are competent to do the job.

It appears that perhaps God’s purpose in allowing men to have this basic fear may be to remind them that they really do need God and cannot do everything by themselves.  Many men do not acknowledge or recognize that fear because to do so would make the fear more of a reality in their lives.

So how can wives help their husbands deal with this fear?  The answer is easy to give but not always easy to do.  It involves honoring, respecting and trusting the husband and his decisions.   This does not mean that he is trustworthy.  When the man is respected and admired by his wife, he feels loved.  As long as he feels loved and desired by his wife, he can deal much more effectively with this basic fear. You may love your husband but if he doesn’t feel it, he feels that he is failing as a man.

God does not ask wives to do the impossible.  To give the husband respect, admiration and trust requires a conscious decision on the wife’s part.  This is about respecting and admiring and trusting the person, not necessarily all of his behavior.   When a woman trusts her husband, she is exercising faith in God because God gave him to her.  This is more about trusting God than man.

God uses our marriages in shaping us to be more Christlike.  One way He does that is by using our spouse to knock off some of our rough edges.  Whenever we get a rough edge knocked off, it hurts.  Difficulties in our relationships are normally about changing us, not necessarily the other person.