Third Culture Kids(TCK)
This article is designed to help you better understand your children and some possible effects of your work as a minister who moves a lot or a foreign missionary. It may even help you understand yourself better, especially if you moved a lot growing up.
Tck'S ARE DIFFERENT FROM OTHER KIDS.
Remember that the number one thing we wrestle with is our beginnings (Eph. 6:12).
The TCK builds relationships to all cultures, while not having full ownership In any.:"
In the last half of the twentieth century the number of people involved in international careers has grown dramatically.
Americans living abroad either permanently or temporarily is estimated at 3 million.
Often, the most stressful time for TCK's is when they try to sort out their relationship to the "home" culture.
Types of TCK's
- Foreigner = look and think differently
- Hidden Immigrant = look alike and think different
- Adopted = look different and think alike
- Mirror = look alike and think alike
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Some characteristics of TCK's...
- Rootlessness - Where do I belong? Where am I from? Where is home? Who am I as a person?
- Restlessness - difficulty settling down, an unrealistic attachment to the past, sometimes affects keeping a job, some feel a ned to be far from parents, some do just the opposite.
- Relationships - usually have many which cannot be maintained, often see those in "home" culture as shallow or boring, may jump quickly into deep relationships, some keep relationships shallow - keeping everyone at a distance, not unusual to develop marital problems,
- Maturity - often appear to be mature because of knowledge and experience but are emotionally immature, adolescence (including rebellion) can be delayed until late 20's or early 30's,
- Unresolved grief -
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Home is an ambiguous concept.
40% of TCK's said they struggled with intimate relationships because of the fear of loss.
Where do I fit in? Where do I belong?
TCK's are kids who have spent most of their developmental years in a culture outside that of their parent's culture. They tend to build relationships with other cultures but do not have full ownership in any. Culture is understood to mean a people group who have something in common.
Premarital counseling is usually a necessity for TCK's.
Home does not necessarily mean the same thing to your kids as to you.
Often they feel that they do not "belong" anywhere in the world. "Where are you from?"
When your kids are back in the US, their peers usually do not understand their world.
TCK's normally have a lifestyle different from any culture in which they find themselves, whether it is their "home" or host culture.
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Parenting TCK's...
Wise multi-cultural parenting does not just happen.
It is not wise to move while your child is in last 2 years of HS.
How does your family handle stress?
How do the individuals in your family handle stress?
If you have to move, how will your family (both parents and children) prepare for that move?
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Some foundational building blocks for raising healthier 3rd culture kids...
- By having commitment to and for each other
- Respect and support for each other
- A willingness to nurture and build each relationship
a. Listen carefully (words) and empathetically (emotions) to each child's concerns
b. How well do you know your child? i.e., what makes them angry,etc.
c. Make each child feel special - spend one-on-one time with each every day
d. Protect the children in every way
e. Do not leave them with a caregiver for extended periods - abandonment
f. Do the children see your work as significant or does it put a wedge between you and them ?
g. Do you practice what you preach in your home?
Remember, according to God (1 Tim. 3:1-5), that your primary responsibility and most important mission field is your family.
E. Dixon Murrah
April 5, 2005
(Rev. June 29, 2007)
